Disclaimer: This is a satire. The quotes are not from the Spurs. This is simply written up for fun. A joke!
MEXICO CITY—Always one to take his Icy Hot nickname to its extremes, San Antonio Spurs shooting guard Danny Green found the counterbalance to his early season cold spell, watching a generator spontaneously combust as he passed by.
Smoke quickly filled the arena, sending both teams scattering to the nearest exits. It was a quick and disappointing end to an international taste of regular season basketball the NBA had taken a long time to setup.
Despite the road trip amounting to little more than a sidetracked vacation in the record books, it wasn’t wholly unproductive either. The players served dutifully as ambassadors of the game, engaging with the community and spreading cheer to a number of children that turned up to see the foreign giants. And the Spurs, as a team, got an opportunity to incorporate some of the Mexican culture into their corporate knowledge base.
Mexico may have seen rough times, but it’s a land with a proud history, filled with enthralling folklore.
Standing outside the loading docks, waiting for the team, athletic trainer Will Sevening conversed with several local trainers and medical professionals sharing trade secrets that have contributed to the longevity of players like Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili while picking up a few new tricks to put to future use.
“So, you’re saying Vicks works on everything?” a flabbergasted Sevening asked an elderly woman. “And you just lather it on in heavy layers?”
A few feet over, another member of the local training staff was seen rubbing an egg over Kawhi Leonard’s shooting arm, faint chants of “sana sana colita de rana…” heard under their breath. A confused Leonard looked on as the trainer cracked the egg open in a bowl of water, the yolk sinking to the bottom.
“He says it will help cure your shot,” said Manu Ginobili, serving as the team’s unofficial translator. “They said it’s afflicted by something called ojo, or the evil eye.”
Overhearing Ginobili, Green made his way over to get a closer look at the bowl, with something in the water appearing to spell the name, “Zach Lowe.”
“Isn’t that the guy that wrote all those stories on you?” Green asked.
As the team loaded the bus, Tony Parker noticed Minnesota Timberwolves point guard Ricky Rubio walking side-by-side with a beautiful woman, a handful of elderly local citizens and children gasping in fear as they passed by.
Noticing Parker’s befuddled look, a Mexican official walked over and explained.
“That’s La Llorona, it’s a sad tale,” he said. “A woman rejected by her lover, drowned her children in the river. As punishment, she’s doomed to walk the Earth forever, crying for her children.”
Peering over at Rubio, the woman did not appear upset. If anything, she appeared happy, perhaps even a little flirtatious.
“That’s Ricky for you,” said Kevin Love, interrupting Parker’s train of thought. “That smile is just infectious, such a joy. I dare anyone to be upset around him near a basketball court.”
Last to get on the team bus was reserve big man Aron Baynes, who was carrying a kennel with a curious animal inside.
Earlier in the trip, Baynes explained, the team bus hit a mysterious animal on the road. The creature was hurt, but not entirely subdued, and Baynes managed to corral it and put it in the kennel, taking it on the bus as a team pet or mascot of sorts.
“The driver called it an El Chupacbra,” Baynes said. “He seemed agitated that I brought it on the bus for some reason; I’m not sure why. These things are bigger back home.”
Denied a postgame meal, the Spurs stopped at a restaurant on the way to the airport. Watching teammate Kawhi Leonard consume his first breakfast taco, Boris Diaw smiled as he reflected on the team’s trip.
“We stopped for tacos,” Diaw explained. “So overall this trip was very important in our maturation as a team.”